Is it actually possible that a benevolent God would sentence non-believers to an eternity in hell?

I have to admit that I've never really believed this. I have always believed that God would forgive everyone of every sin, including failure to have accepted God as Savior by time of death.

Admittedly, we aren't equipped, mentally, to handle these questions. No amount of intelligence in the most brilliant of religious savants could conjure up enough mindpower to compute the rationale of our world's hidden machinery.

But we'll take a stab at it anyway.

Hell is, after all, the supreme weapon with which Christians judge others every day. Death-row murderers are, obviously, "going to hell" for their crimes, when in reality, we usually don't know if these people were Christians or not. Its pretty easy to forget that "don't kill" is no different than "don't lie" or "don't cheat on your spouse" in Christian law. Yet, every day, Christians judge others for crimes against this world, forgetting that the hierarchy of sins they attempt to construct is really a lie in and of itself.

[The other side of this, of course, is the chorus of non-believers who toss the word "hypocrite" around when this type of judgment occurs. Its the other side's defense mechanism that completely avoids the issue entirely. Not the point here, though...just an aside.]

We aren't here to judge others. Shutting down this natural defense mechanism, so we don't hold others in contempt for doing things that the Bible says are equivalent to things that we ourselves do, is something I believe to be an ultimate goal for every human being on this planet.

After all, judging others reveals an implicit weakness in our faith in God. If we were completely faithful in God's ability to judge others and restore justice, we wouldn't waste our time this way.

But will God actually send people to spend an eternity in Hell? How can a life of anywhere between 0 and 120 years in length merit an ETERNITY of suffering?

Furthermore, wouldn't the knowledge that others are suffering in Hell weaken the ability of Christians to enjoy Heaven? I wouldn't feel good about anybody, regardless of their crime, suffering for thousands upon thousands of years.

And what about many of my friends who aren't Christian? Don't I have to accept some responsibility for an end result of their non-conversion to Christianity? Its a tough question.

Jesus came to earth not as a warmongering chieftain, but as a peaceful messenger. When Judas sold him out for 30 pieces of silver, Jesus immediately asked for his forgiveness.

Clearly, its difficult to juxtapose Jesus' life on earth with the prospect of a Hell awaiting those who don't accept Jesus as savior.

But the Bible mentions Hell for a reason, and the sheer quantity of times it mentions Hell is cause for alarm.

And we're back at square one.

What does all of this mean for our practical living, day in and day out? For me, I can't pay too much attention to the question, as much as it bugs me sometimes. Thinking about Hell seems to be the religious equivalent of a tightrope walker looking down...doesn't get you any closer to the goal.

Hell could be any number of things, from the most nightmarish of realms to simply living out, in perpetuity, situations of pain and suffering within an otherwise normal context.

But attempting to use our own rules of reason to analyze what can't and won't be seen in our natural lives is just foolish. We need to be spending our time improving ourselves and the world around us, and thanking God that our existence is governed by benevolence and forgiveness...which we'll all need someday.

While I and several high school friends were down in New Orleans for my bachelor's party, I bought a PowerBall lottery ticket and talked with Ben about what I might do if I won. The prize was for $32 million, or $17 million if you chose to receive it all in one lump sum (my choice).

After taxes, that would be roughly an $8 million prize.

I put a lot of stock in thought exercises like this, as they accomplish a lot of different things. For me, thinking about what I would do with a lot of money helps me keep moving toward where I want to be.

I was a little surprised that when Ben asked me what I would do with it, I didn't really know. I've thought more about it, and I can now answer the question. If I received $8 million tomorrow, this is what I would do.

1. Put $1 million in the bank. $500,000, invested today and receiving reasonable interest for the next 20 years, should be enough to cover the education of 2-3 kids down the line. $500,000 is a "rainy day" fund, in case something happens to me or Lori.

2. Donate $1 million to West End Community Church. It started as simply a search for an officiant for our wedding in June, and ended with finding a wonderful spiritual place that, for once, I can't wait to get to on a Sunday morning. As many know, I leave Knoxville (on weekends I visit Lori) early Sunday morning to get to WECC for 10:30's service. Carter Crenshaw, the pastor there, is such a nice person and a solid community leader. I wish I had spent every Sunday morning in undergrad here...but better late than never, as they say. $1 million would improve their financial position considerably moving into their brand-new facility.

3. Give $1 million to Lori for whatever. As I've started to learn, girls are EXPENSIVE.

4. Put $2 million apiece into my two startups, Mariner Records and The iTest. I have been itching to get back into the studio, both for my own music as well as in a producer's role for a band I sign to my label. Genre's not that important, as I like a lot of different kinds of music...but I'd probably prefer a rock band. If not a rock band, then a jazz group or a pop group of some sort. Since recording can be done inexpensively, I'd use the money on promotion. Man, that would be fun! I'd also get back in the studio myself and record a dark concept album I've been toying with for years.

$2 million into the iTest would be immediately put to use hiring more PR services and the best marketing firm that money can buy. I would also hire a full-time employee to help manage the day-to-day operations of the contest.

5. I'd use the last million to buy several gifts for people who have hung around all this time to witness both my failures and successes. I'd do something nice for my parents, and it wouldn't take me long to do some things for my friends as well. There's a lot of people to whom I owe a lot.


Oh well. Guess I'll have to try to do this the old fashioned way. $8 million, maybe we'll meet someday.



Contents of "Bradley's iMix," now uploaded to iTunes:

Cities of Foam - "Out of Reach"
Snow Patrol - "Tiny Little Fractures"
The Donots - "We Got The Noise"
Jamiroquai - "Canned Heat"
Fusebox - "Light the Fire"
Snow Patrol - "Run"
Switchfoot - "Dare You to Move"
Seal - "Love's Divine"
Travis - "Turn"
Jamie Cullum - "All at Sea"
The Shins - "Gone for Good"
Ben Jelen - "Come On"
Sting w/ Twista - "Stolen Car (Take Me Dancing)"
Van Halen - "Right Now"
Eminem - "Till I Collapse"

Its no secret to me that the only reason The iTest even exists is because of the massive inadequacies of the current crop of national math competitions. If they did their job well, I would have no opportunity to do what I'm doing with the AHSIMC.

Math competitions fail at THEIR ONE AND ONLY GOAL: to bring as many students into the world of competitive mathematics as possible.

The major written math competition in the United States, the AMC-12, has approximately 120,000 students that participate from the US every year. This number bounces around, but has no consistent growth pattern...when it should be growing by leaps and bounds as society has renewed its focus on education, and math education in particular.

The primary reason it doesn't grow is because the exam is a qualifier, in a series of exams, for the International Mathematics Olympiad, a very prestigious international math event. However, its a very prestigious international math event that few can qualify for.

Thus, its a very prestigious international math event that few care about.

Ask fifty employers what the IMO is. None of them know? Then we have a failure on our hands.

But the AMC-12 exam actually does several things right, including having some crafty problem writers that do a good job in writing an exam that augments the curriculums of most schools. Most math competitions can't even do that right.

Then, you have the regional and national competitions to which school teams travel and participate against other schools from across the country. These also generally fail in the same mission of continued growth and aggressive pursuit of "fringe students" - the students who COULD become interested in competitive math, but simply don't because the image of these events is so poorly maintained or because the events are so poorly run.

The link below details one example of a "recreational event" that students can participate in who go to ARML (American Regions Math League; one of the more elite national math contests). Don't ask me how these administrators decided that a 30-second song length would make this event worth anyone's while, or how the absence of any prizes or incentives to participate would help draw student participation, or how this entire blurb is written so poorly that any team reading it and deciding whether or not to even go to this thing might just toss it in the garbage. Seriously, how hard would it have been to ask a student or two for suggestions on this? IMAGE...something that math competitions don't have, and something they really need like never before to draw new students to the fold.

http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/Forum/topic-34540.html
(This links to the Art of Problem Solving, a message board for students looking to learn more math. Some of these students attend ARML annually. I post on the board from time to time, and AHSIMC has a forum here for kids to discuss the competition.)

Major corporations and the mass media absolutely have to step in and get involved. The sooner the better.

Building the iTest is a gradual process. But if we don't substantially grow our participation numbers every year, until we have saturated the United States and have a presence at every single high school in the country, we are FAILURES. There's just not going to be a tolerance for any other outcome.

How would you feel if you checked your balance at the bank and discovered you had a negative balance of -$6300?

Yeah, me too.

The good thing is that AmSouth, unlike with past mistakes, has gone WAY above and beyond in fixing the mistake, so I'll leave it there. Hopefully nothing like this will happen again.

The NFL Draft is about to begin! The Titans have several needs they need to address. Under Floyd Reese, their draft history has been extremely successful...so hopefully that will continue today.

Two final projects and one final exam are all that's between me and no more school! I can't wait. Looking forward to a relaxing May to finalize some things with the math competition, including finishing up the 2005 test, as well as "rediscovering gameage." Speaking of, a preview of Madden 2006 is about to come on during ESPN's NFL Draft preview. Gotta go!

I've been kicked in the balls so many times by AmSouth that I've been waiting for an opportunity to get them back.

That opportunity has arrived. I'll report in full detail tomorrow.

Over the weekend, I had an incredibly lucid dream. And I remembered it after I woke up.

You have to understand - I don't remember dreams. Ever. So this was a bit of a shock.

The content of the dream was equally jarring. Here it is, as best I can remember it. I've been thinking about it, as I'm familiar with all the classical psychoanalytical interpretations of dreams...and not sure how this fits into any particular archetype, or even how it draws from my own memories. I'm not sure what to make of it.


The dream began with me sitting at the counter in the kitchen at home in Birmingham. I was sitting there not really doing anything, when my dad arrived home, bringing my grandmother (my dad's mom) home from the hospital. She was apparently staying with us for a time, as she had dementia.

My dad walked her in to the kitchen, sat her down at the table across from the counter, and left the room. She sat there for a minute, seemingly aloof and not knowing quite where she was. All of a sudden, she sprung to life, and began walking at a fast pace around the kitchen before trying to climb up the pantry shelves.

I got up, pulled her down from the shelves, and sat her back in the chair.

All of a sudden, me and my family, my grandmother, and the Longs (family friends) were driving in my mom's SUV to a DRIVE-IN MOVIE (I have no idea where this came from) somewhere approximately in where Bluff Park is in relation to my house.

To get there, though, we had to drive down a ridiculously steep decline - so steep, that if any of us in the car had actually shifted our weight or pushed up on the roof of the vehicle, we would have begun to tumble over and roll down the hill, losing control. This was pretty scary.

Once we got to the bottom of this precipitous hill, there was a man collecting tickets, standing out in front of his tiny office/booth directly in front of a gigantic gate. He said something - I don't remember what, though I think it had to do with the fact that we left our ticket at home, though I'm not sure - and all of a sudden, we were back at my house.

Only this time, it wasn't right. I could literally feel something in the air, though I had no idea what was going on. I was, again, in the kitchen.

Then, in a moment of clarity, it became clear what was going on - there were all sorts of demons in the house. I couldn't see them, but somehow I knew that's what it was, and I was also alerted to the fact that my grandmother's dementia had been caused by one.

Simultaneously in this clairvoyance, I was also made aware that the worst evil was in the basement. I'm still not entirely sure if I was told that it was Satan in the basement, or just something worse than whatever else was in the house. I forget.

So I walk out of the kitchen, turn the corner, and open the door to go downstairs to the basement.

Immediately once I open the door, I'm greeted by my dead grandparents (on my mom's side), who are horizontally levitating about 6 feet above the ground and semi-transparent. They looked different. Younger. But certainly recognizable.

My grandmother, on my mom's side, was in front of my grandfather (on my mom's side), and both had their eyes closed, but seemed to be communicating something. I have no idea what. And then, their eyes came open for about 2-3 seconds. It was at this point that I became aware I was dreaming, yet I was powerless to exit the dream. This scared the living hell out of me, and is still my most vivid memory from the dream.

Yet, I seemed to be completing some sort of script that wasn't quite done yet. I walked down to the basement.

I took a left into the recreational room built down there, but instead, there were no walls of any type and it was extremely dark, except for a window in the distance (where a window is actually located in my house, on the door to the back yard). In the light from this window, halfway crouched and hiding away, was something. A small person, or at least something that looked like a small person.

This thing took off toward me, and the dream shot into slow motion. I picked up a rod that was, for some reason, on the ground in front of me, and managed to get it out in front of me and thrust it, in jousting fashion, at the thing coming at me. I saw it just long enough to see it was just over 4 feet high and didn't really have a face. When I say "it didn't have a face," its difficult to describe - it DID in fact have a face, but its face appeared to be recessed into its head far enough to where skin had grown over it. I couldn't tell any more than that - and I have no idea if that's what it actually was, but its what it looked like.

The moment I jammed the rod into it to stop it from coming toward me, the dream ended.

I have no idea what the significance of this is, though it was extremely surreal seeing my grandparents on my mom's side in angelic dress and visage.

I am a believer that dreams either fall into one of two categories - ones which reflect a current reality, often where your subconscious is telling you something (e.g. finding yourself naked at school - afraid of being discovered, for some reason - or finding yourself falling, which would indicate being afraid of losing control over a given situation) and the other category being completely random firings of neurons at night, using any and all images the brain can conjure up to create a messy scenario that usually makes absolutely no sense.

Since this doesn't appear to get filed under either of these, I'm at a loss. I'm happy I wasn't afraid, at all, of fighting Satan or the demon or whatever it was in the basement, but what am I supposed to get out of any of this? If it weren't for my grandparents' heavenly appearance in the dream, which in no way could've been a projection of my imagination - especially the feeling of sheer wonder I had at that point - I would've moved on and forgotten about the dream by now, like all the others.

Anyway, off to bed once again. Sweet dreams! :)

At 1 AM, after my nightly ritual of listening to music in the dark before going to sleep, I took the headphones out and turned over...

Its two hours later. I closed my eyes a while, and I swear I must've had thousands of dreams...so I must have slept.

Time to get back to work.

"Things are only impossible until they’re done"

Blind medical school student earns M.D.

April 5, 2005 - Article taken from MSNBC.com

MADISON, Wis. - The young medical student was nervous as he slid the soft, thin tube down into the patient’s windpipe. It was a delicate maneuver — and he knew he had to get it right.

Tim Cordes leaned over the patient as his professor and a team of others closely monitored his every step. Carefully, he positioned the tube, waiting for the special signal that oxygen was flowing.

The anesthesia machine was set to emit musical tones to confirm the tube was in the trachea and carbon dioxide was present. Soon, Cordes heard the sounds. He double-checked with a stethoscope. All was OK. He had completed the intubation.

Several times over two weeks, Cordes performed this difficult task at the University of Wisconsin Hospital and Clinics. His professor, Dr. George Arndt, marveled at his student’s skills.
“He was 100 percent,” the doctor says. “He did it better than the people who could see.”

Tim Cordes is blind.

He has mastered much in his 28 years: Jujitsu. Biochemistry. Water-skiing. Musical composition. Any one of these accomplishments would be impressive. Together, they’re dazzling. And now, there’s more luster for his gold-plated resume with a new title: Doctor.

Cordes has earned his M.D.


Many barriers to overcome
In a world where skeptics always seem to be saying, stop, this isn’t something a blind person should be doing, it was one more barrier overcome. There are only a handful of blind doctors in this country. But Cordes makes it clear he could not have joined this elite club alone.

“I signed on with a bunch of real team players who decided that things are only impossible until they’re done,” he says.

That’s modesty speaking. Cordes finished medical school at the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the top sixth of his class (he received just one B), earning honors, accolades and admirers along the way.

“He was confident, he was professional, he was respectful and he was a great listener,” says Sandy Roof, a nurse practitioner who worked with Cordes as part of a training program in a small-town clinic.

Without sight, Cordes had to learn how to identify clusters of spaghetti-thin nerves and vessels in cadavers, study X-rays, read EKGs and patient charts, examine slides showing slices of the brain, diagnose rashes — and more.

He used a variety of special tools, including raised line drawings, a computer that simultaneously reads into his earpiece whatever he types, a visual describer, a portable printer that allowed him to write notes for patient charts, and a device called an Optacon that has a small camera with vibrating pins that help his fingers feel images.

“It was kind of whatever worked,” Cordes says. “Sometimes you can psych yourself out and anticipate problems that don’t materialize. ... You can sit there and plan for every contingency or you just go out and do things. ... That was the best way.”

That’s been his philosophy much of his life. Cordes was just 5 months old when he was diagnosed with Leber’s disease. He wore glasses by age 2, and gradually lost his sight. At age 16, when his peers were getting their car keys, he took his first steps with a guide dog.

Still, blindness didn’t stop him.

He wrestled and earned a black belt in tae kwon do and jujitsu. An academic whiz, he graduated as valedictorian at the University of Notre Dame as a crowd of 10,000 gave him a standing ovation.

Cordes finished medical school in December but still is working on his Ph.D., studying the structure of a protein involved in a bacteria that causes pneumonia and other infections.

Though he spends 10 to 12 hours a day in the lab, Cordes also carried the Olympic torch when it made its way through Wisconsin in 2002 (he runs four miles twice a week) and has managed to give a few motivational speeches and accept an award or two.

He’s even found time to fall in love; he’s engaged to a medical school student.


'You deal with what you're dealt'
But Tim Cordes doesn’t want to be cast as the noble hero of a Hallmark special.

“I just think that you deal with what you’re dealt,” he says. “I’ve just been trying to do the best with what I’ve got. I don’t think that’s any different than anybody else.”

He also shuns suggestions his IQ leaves his peers in the dust.

“I just work hard and study,” he says. “If you’re not modest, you’re probably overestimating yourself.”

Through the years, plenty of people have underestimated Cordes.

That was especially true when he applied for medical school and was rejected by several universities, despite glowing references, two years of antibiotics research and a 3.99 undergraduate average as a biochemistry major.

Even when Wisconsin-Madison accepted him, Cordes says, he knew there was “some healthy skepticism.” But, he adds, “the people I worked with were top notch and really gave me a chance.”

The dean of the medical school, Dr. Philip Farrell, says the faculty determined early on that Cordes would have “a successful experience. Once you decide that, it’s only a question of options and choices.”

Farrell worried a bit how Cordes might fare in the hospital settings, but says he needn’t have.
“We’ve learned from him as much as he’s learned from us ... one should never assume that any student is going to have a barrier, an obstacle, that they can’t overcome,” he says.

Sandy Roof, the nurse practitioner who worked with Cordes in a clinic in the town of Waterloo, wondered about that.

“My first reaction was the same as others’: How can he possibly see and treat patients?” she says. “I was skeptical, but within a short time I realized he was very capable, very sensitive.”
She recalls watching him examine a patient with a rash, feel the area, ask the appropriate questions — and come up with a correct diagnosis.

“He didn’t try and sell himself,” Roof adds. “He just did what needed to be done.”


'What's the dog for?'
Cordes says he thinks people accepted him because most of his training was in a teaching hospital, where he blended in with other medical students. One patient apparently didn’t even realize the young man treating him was blind.

Cordes grins as he recalls examining a 7-year-old while making the hospital rounds with Vance, his German shepherd guide dog. The next day, he saw the boy’s father, who said, “I think you did a great job. (But) when my son got out, he asked me, ‘What’s the dog for?’"

With his sandy hair and choirboy’s face, Cordes became a familiar sight with Vance at the university hospital. The two were so good at navigating the maze of hallways that interns would sometimes ask Cordes for the quickest route to a particular destination.

Some professors say Cordes compensates for his lack of sight with his other senses — especially his incredible sense of touch. “He can pick up things with his hands you and I wouldn’t pick up — like vibrations,” says Arndt, the anesthesiology professor.

Cordes says some of his most valuable lessons came from doctors who believed in showing rather than telling.

“You can describe what it feels like to put your hand on the aorta and feel someone’s blood flowing through it,” he says, his face lighting up, “but until you feel it, you really don’t get a sense of what that’s like.”

Dr. Yolanda Becker, assistant professor of surgery who performs transplants, noticed that Cordes had a talent for finding veins. “I tell the students, 'You have to feel them ... you just can’t look.’ For Tim, that was not an option.”

Becker soon became one more member of Tim Cordes’ fan club.

“He was a breath of fresh air,” she says. “He appreciated the fact people took time with him to feel the pulse, feel the grafts, feel where the kidneys are. ... He asked very good questions.”

Cordes’ training included observing surgery, helping treat psychiatric patients at a veterans hospital and traveling beyond the hospital walls to the rural corners of Wisconsin.

For six weeks, he experienced the front lines of medicine with Dr. Ben Schmidt, accompanying him from house calls to the hospital, tending to everything from heart trouble to chicken scratches.


Cars, camping and canoeing
They took time, too, to indulge Cordes’ passion for cars. Cordes, who reads Road & Track and Car and Driver magazines faithfully, is a Porsche fan. Knowing that, an internist in Schmidt’s clinic brought her husband’s metallic gray Turbo 911 to work one day. Schmidt took the wheel, roaring down the road with Cordes in the passenger seat — his keen hearing detecting the sounds of the valves opening up.

Cordes also enjoys camping and canoeing with his fiancee, Blue-leaf Hannah (her exotic first name comes from a character in “Centennial,” a James Michener novel). They met when both interviewed for medical school.

“I was just mostly curious how he was going to do it,” she says. “I must have asked him a million questions.”

“I figured she was just sizing up the competition,” he teases.

She was impressed. “He was smart and pretty modest,” she says.

“Handsome, too,” he adds.

“Yes, handsome,” she laughs.
They began dating and will marry this fall. It’s a match made for Mensa. Hannah is now in medical school. She already has a Ph.D. in pharmacology — her dissertation was on a human protein implicated in heart disease called thrombospondin.

“Too long for a Scrabble game,” Cordes jokes.

The two have talked about starting a research lab together someday.

Looking back on medical school, Cordes says he savored the chance to help deliver babies and observe surgery — things he’s probably not going to do again. “I just made it a point to treasure them while I had them,” he says.

He once thought he’d become a researcher but is now considering psychiatry and internal medicine. “The surprise for me was how much I liked dealing with the human side,” he says. “It took a little work to get over. I’m kind of a shy guy.”

Cordes plans to attend graduation ceremonies in May.

For now, he’s humble about his latest milestone.

“I might be the front man in the show but there were lot of people involved,” he says. “Everybody was giving a good effort for me and I wanted to do right by them.”

I finally got over to Blair earlier this week to practice the piano for the first time in literally 4-5 months. Fortunately, the rust came off easily, and I had fun just wasting a couple of hours toying around with a new composition I came up with that I really like. I've been storing up several different pieces for the next album I put together, which unfortunately may not occur for another 2 years. But it will happen someday, you can count on that. Its just too much fun to be in the studio working on music. I really miss it.

I've been on an 80's kick over the past month, and I don't really know why. Part of it is Napoleon Dynamite's 80's slant, which has reminded me just how effective a consistent, coherent soundtrack that uses songs that all have the same musical textures can really work to give a plot or story a solid infrastructure. The "square" synths used in most of the songs in that movie (excluding Jack White's "I Think We're Gonna Be Friends" at the beginning) really work to give the movie a listless, nostalgic feel that stays with you long after the movie's over.

Here are the songs I downloaded off iTunes in this 80's rediscovery. Don't laugh too hard. Many of these I remember listening to in the car with my mom when I was 6 or 7. Weird how entire musical periods of time - not just individual songs - come back to you at unexpected times.

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper (of Napoleon Dynamite fame)
Kyrie - Mr. Mister (amazing voice)
Oh Sherrie - Steve Perry
Running to Stand Still - U2 (very moving tune)
Sara - Jefferson Airplane (stop laughing!)
Missing You - John Waite
Islands in the Stream - Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers (a weird song, admittedly...but this is one that evokes all sorts of memories of being at home growing up)
We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) - Tina Turner (a really dark 80's tune, and a good one)
Money For Nothing - Dire Straits
Sailing - Christopher Cross (no idea at all why I like this song, but I do)
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2 (no description necessary. bona fide classic.)


If you compare the laundry list of 80's one hit wonders vs. the 90's one hit wonders, the 80's narrowly edges out the 90's in terms of sheer musical scope and lasting power. But when you also compare the bands from the 80's that have maintained strong careers over time with bands from the 90's that have done the same, its no contest. The 80's was a remarkable period of popular music, covering all sorts of new ground and musical landscapes.

Thankfully, the 00's are largely shaping up to be like the 80's in terms of variety. Lets hope it continues.

Do we make our own luck?

Or do we simply wish we had this much control over our own fate?

As the iTest reaches a critical turning point, in which the fires of skepticism have been extinguished and the core of the original idea lies exposed yet indestructible, I wonder just how much was pure luck.

I've been walking such a tightrope with this project for so long that it almost feels uncomfortable finally being on solid ground. But I think I'll get used to it.

Spending spring break here in Knoxville with Lori...

Its been a great week! Lori got the internship she wanted with the Tennessee Supreme Court, which is HUGE. Its tough enough to get any job the summer after first year of law school, but there are a few select plum jobs to be had. This is one of those. Congrats, L.

This week for me has been a mix of pure relaxation and looking ahead. AHSIMC iTest registration packets headed out to over 2400 schools across the United States this week, and next week will be busy with the beginning of the registration period. I have continued to write test questions, get the 2005 results database created, concoct a system of organization for the entire process once again, and even do a little bit of publicity for the 2005 competition this week. So I have managed to get at least a little bit of work done.

I have definitely gotten my gameage on this week, as you might have expected. I have logged several hours playing Resident Evil 4 on GameCube, and finally finished it last night. What a spectacular experience. Calling RE4 a "game" is misleading - this is an epic work on a massive Hollywood blockbuster scale. The gameplay is simple to learn and builds slowly, but some of the stuff the designers pulled off in the latter half of the game is just stunningly brilliant. It is, perhaps, the greatest single player video game of all time.

I've also been playing liberal amounts of Halo 2 and ESPN MLB 2K5 on XBox Live, as I won 2 of 3 matches against Dave this week in the ESPN baseball game. Only $20, a BIG steal if you're looking for a baseball game. I'm also working on finishing up FF1 in the Final Fantasy: Dawn of Souls GBA game that Lori gave me for Valentine's Day just under a month ago.

Fantasy baseball is well underway, with the draft of one of my leagues occurring Thursday night, and the draft for Evan's league on Monday. The main event, however, is Wednesday night's kickoff to our perennial fantasy baseball league with my friends from high school. Having lost last year's championship by the slimmest of margins - a single hit! - I'm looking forward to the start of a new season.

Finally, I'm happy to report that I have started actually READING BOOKS AGAIN!!! I rifled through Jose Canseco's steroid tribute "Juiced," and now am on to Jared Diamond's follow-up to the critically-acclaimed "Guns, Germs, and Steel" ... which is called "Collapse." Good stuff so far...hope to finish it late next week, though it might be a bit ambitious with the start of the final mod of business school.

Lori's in town for the weekend! Unfortunately, as I sit here and watch the Lakers finish off the Mavericks, she's asleep trying to escape some bad food she ate at Boundry earlier tonight. We went out to dinner with Noah and his new girlfriend Caroline. We both had a lot of fun, but unfortunately, some of Boundry's more exotic options that Lori tried out didn't exactly agree with her. I'm sure a night of extra sleep will help.

I have a little side project to announce: BondsCheated.com. This will be a site ripping Barry Bonds for his wishy-washy steroid "non-denials" and making the case why Barry Bonds should not be taken seriously as he pursues and breaks both Ruth's record, and eventually, Aaron's.

We'll likely sell a piece of merchandise or two through the site - something that people can bring into the ballpark wherever Bonds is playing to protest his pursuit of the record. This really has some potential to get noticed by the media, who can't seem to get enough of Bonds, his mouth, his attitude, and his home runs. If the media pick it up even in a small way, this could become a profitable project in a hurry. If not, it'll remain a fun little aside to the baseball season, and a permanent testament to Bonds' steroid-powered records.

I just got sick and tired of hearing Bonds on TV and my general inability to escape hearing about him through the media. After reading Jose Canseco's book and finding it surprisingly believable - despite several egregious errors in the text - my tolerance for Bonds, and steroids, is very low. Bonds' recent press conference pushed me over the edge - he's just too big of an idiot to ignore.

Anyhow, enough about Bonds...I have a project for my Securities Analysis class that's due Monday that I haven't even started yet. Yay.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME OUT OF SCHOOL.

Heard a new song called "Run" by new band Snow Patrol...and feel a responsibility to bring it to your attention IMMEDIATELY.

A beautiful melody on top of some great lyrics. Sounds like a song Coldplay could've easily done. Check it out.


Snow Patrol - "Run"

I'll sing it one last time for you,
then we really have to go.
You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done.

I can barely look at you, but every single time I do,
I know we'll make it anywhere...away from here.


Light up, light up!
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.

Louder, louder!
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak.
I understand why you can't raise your voice to say...


To think I might not see those eyes...
makes it so hard not to cry.
And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do.


Light up, light up!
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear.

Louder, louder!
And we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak.
I understand why you can't raise your voice to say...


Slower, slower...we don't have time for that.
All I want's to find an easier way to get out of our little heads.

Have heart my dear!
We're bound to be afraid.
Even if its just for a few days,
making up for all this mess.


Light up, light up!
As if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you, dear...

Armed with a wealth of music on my computer, I hereby declare this a "sleep-free" night, as I have 4 big projects in four different classes that I have to work on.

Which, naturally, is why I'm here :)

I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about "successful people." Since I'm not entirely sure how I would define "success," its going to be difficult identifying successful people, but it certainly hasn't stopped me from pondering it.

If we were to define success strictly on financial terms, then Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Donald Trump, etc. would be our biggest successes. Financial success of this type of magnitude implies visionary thinking, disciplined implementation of a gameplan to capitalize on these ideas, and refusal to quit when initial failure arrives.

If we were to define success strictly on fame, then U2, Michael Jordan, Chris Rock, etc. would be our biggest successes. We're talking persistent periods of fame here, not temporary one-hit wonders or flashes-in-the-pan...requiring consistently remarkable performance and, at some point, being able to call yourself the best in the world at whatever you do (and having the world actually care about it...the "best in the world" at eating pizza doesn't really count!)

Regardless of how we end up defining success, what types of characteristics in individuals predict it? What should we be looking for?

Raw intelligence is really not a factor - a big brain can always be hired to do the job. Hard work is not a factor either - this can be picked up anywhere for the right price.

To me, the biggest determinants in achieving success are effective communication skills and an uncontained passion for one's chosen line of work.

People who can communicate a vision clearly and consistently across a wide variety of people and demographics are simply inspiring. They are unfazed by the variety of responses they get, effortlessly defeating the rapidly-mutating forms of skepticism that seem to arise in response to people hearing something new.

People who have that raw passion for what they do are equally inspiring to me. They can't be defeated...no matter what disaster may occur, or setback may hold them up temporarily, the end outcome is never in doubt.

Happiness is borne when this passion matures over time, surviving failure and relishing the triumphs that come along. Wealth is a natural extension of this process as well - our world, and particularly our country and its capitalism, rewards success lavishly for all the risk it entails.

I'm fortunate to know so many people who have these characteristics. It will be fun watching how each of these people go out and define success for themselves - on their own terms.

A few random thoughts:

- Comments are now turned on for my blog. Let me know if you're out there reading the Travesty (tm)!

- Jose Canseco is a self-serving ass who, unfortunately, is probably telling the truth. I mean, just LOOK at Mark McGwire during the prime of his career sometime. Hopefully, whether Canseco's telling the truth or not, this whole fiasco will help steroids exit the game.

- Halo 2 might be the greatest game of all time.

- Pringles are delish.

- Lori has two interviews with Tennessee law firms on Tuesday. This is huge because plenty of 1L's don't get ANY interviews. Wish her luck!

- I don't like schoolwork.

- It doesn't like me, either.

- Just got the trademark confirmed for "iTest." Now I can start cracking down on the usage of the term over the internet. Time to pay up!

- If you're interested in participating in a Yahoo fantasy game based on picking who will get fired from the Apprentice every week, email me (bradley@bradleymetrock.com) today or tomorrow.

Wow, what an awful week of school. I need to graduate. NOW.

Nothing bad lasts forever, though, and I'm in the clear (in terms of work due) for a while. I've been in Knoxville this weekend visiting Lori, and while she's had a bunch of law school stuff to do, I've been able to not only get a lot of work done on this math competition database, but also on the new Zelda GBA game ("The Minish Cap"). Delicious.

The NFL pool is down to Lori and Steven. Lori has the Patriots winning it all, while Steven picked the Eagles. With $100 on the line, there's a lot at stake. Lori somehow won the pool last year, and now she is in position to win it again...how she does it, I have no idea.

The Nashville job search has also started, with Nashville MBA-related job openings beginning to surface. It will be an interesting process evaluating these different job options vs. continuing to develop the iTest into a financially-sustainable venture. Sometimes I wish I were better at doing work I don't have an active interest in. Life would be easier if I could hide my complete disdain for certain types of jobs!

Speaking of the math competition, it continues to progress. I have some key meetings coming up that could secure the future of the competition. Lets hope they go well.

Many people who know me know that one of my favorite artists is Seal. He got famous for combining his velvet vocals with synth dance beats, most notably in his first big single, "Crazy." Fans of his, though, recognize that he's done far more than simply make dance tracks a bit more interesting. Even outside observers realize that what Seal has managed to do in just 4 albums worth of material is to create such a unique sound that he has almost created a new genre all his own.

"Seal 1995", Seal's second album, is an absolute masterpiece. Drawing upon an image of hope in a world of immense self-doubt and anxiety, this album is one of my absolute most prized musical possessions. I would be hard-pressed to say how I would compare it to either of U2's premiere albums, The Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby. Its right up there.

Seal released "Seal IV" in 2003, and it was viewed as a successful rebound from what was considered to be a lackluster 3rd album (although I disagree, obviously.) In Seal IV, for the most part, Seal doesn't venture nearly as deep into the human psyche as he did in Seal 1995. However, I want to take a moment to recognize one of the most poignant songs on this album.

To hear Seal tell the story of "Love's Divine," a man so wrapped up in his occupation and the trappings of society one day just snaps and realizes he has been missing out on a lot. Below are the lyrics...I encourage you to not just check out this song at some point, but Seal's entire body of work. You'll definitely be glad you did.

Seal - "Love's Divine"

Then the rainstorm came over me,
and I felt my spirit break.
I had lost all of my belief, you see,
and realized my mistake.
But time threw a prayer to me,
and all around me became still.

I need love...love's divine.
Please forgive me, now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love...love is what I need to help me know my name.

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary,
and I felt my spirit fly.
I had found all of my reality.
I realized what it takes.

Cause I need love...love's divine.
Please forgive me, now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love...love is what I need to help me know my name.

Don't bend, and don't break...
Show me how to live, and promise me you won't forsake.
Cause love will help me know my name.

Well, I try to say there's nothing wrong,
but inside I felt me lying all along...
but the message here was plain to see...believe me.

I need love...love's divine.
Please forgive me; now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love...love is what I need to help me know my name.

"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."

- Oscar Wilde



The end of the year - time to look back one last time before charging on ahead.

For me, personally, 2004 was a remarkable year that saw two major events in my life. First was getting engaged to an amazing woman. While I'm the one who's 6'7'' and she's 5'3'', I'm the one looking up to Lori in so many ways. 2004, if for no other reason, was a great year simply because of how much we've grown together, and for how much we have to be thankful for.

2004 was a great year for another reason. My dream project, release of a solo piano instrumental CD, was completed in February of this year. Even if "Maintain Radio Silence" had not been received in such an favorable way, I could still say I've managed to do one of those "life checklist" things that I've always wanted to do. I reflect back at the complete insanity that was the four-day recording period in August 2003 that made up the entire album - cutting the tracks, laying down the synths, and mixing it - and really can't wait to get back into a studio and grind out a sequel. (And if you bought it over the past year, thanks again!)

2004 saw the exit of my grandmother from this world. While so many things we take for granted, I consider myself fortunate when I say she was definitely not one of those things. The time we got to spend together toward the end of her cancer was invaluable to me.

Once we close the book on 2004, its time to look ahead and envision the new year. The first image that pops into my head upon reading Wilde's quote is the unbelievable masses of dead in Asia due to the recent earthquakes and resulting tsunamis. Earthquakes are so rare in the Indian Ocean region where this quake struck that the standard warning devices in the other major oceans weren't employed, and so the area was completely unprepared for the tragic disaster that literally left the rest of the world shaking. These people, just like the rest of us, were planning for a promising new year - a hopeful new beginning.

No one ever promised us anything. No one ever entitled us to anything. So let 2005 be the year we go out and do what we've always thought about doing - what we've always dreamed of doing.

2005 will be a very big year.

Auburn just closed out its SEC Championship victory over #15 Tennessee, securing its first 12-0 record in school history.

If they end up not playing for the national championship, something's really wrong. Of course we need a playoff in Division I-A football - everybody knows that. But for Auburn to get criticized for scheduling The Citadel and some other weak non-Division-I schools, when they have the 9th highest strength-of-schedule rank in NCAA Football (going into the SEC Championship) then they should certainly be playing for the national title. (OU and USC were both in the 20's and 30's in schedule rank.)

Meanwhile, having returned from a successful, adventurous one-day trip to New York City to launch AHSIMC fundraising efforts, I have had more time to spend with my new friend: Halo 2.

The game is just RIDICULOUS. Dave Cowart and I have been playing a lot, and we'll fire it up (frequently along with some other Auburn folks), create a party (a chat room where we all can talk to one another via headset until the game starts) and launch any number of different types of games and scenarios, all while staying on the same team and playing opponents of equal difficulty. The whole thing is really well done...guess there's a reason they've sold 5 million copies as of the beginning of December!

With the Nintendo DS arriving a week or so ago, as well as a plethora of highly-anticipated games (Metroid Prime 2, Half-Life 2, the new Call of Duty game, Prince of Persia: The Warrior Within, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, etc., etc.) its amazing that Halo 2 is continuing to stand out as a premiere title.

One of these days, I'm going to get involved in the gaming industry. Just got to make some money before I can get in there and invest it!

Been a while since I've posted here. I'll try to keep this updated more regularly.

I've been listening to the leaked "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb", the upcoming new album by U2.

MINDBLOWING.

This album will go down as U2's best work since "The Joshua Tree", and perhaps - PERHAPS - is their best album of their entire masterful career. Yes, its that good. "City of Blinding Lights", track 5 on the album, is one of the best songs they've ever written. The entire album is of such astonishingly high quality that you forget its being released in a year that's seen a remarkable amount of highly mediocre mainstream music being peddled, including disposable pop lip-syncers and "teen angst" flavor of the month.

In other news, Halo 2 hits stores tomorrow night (Tuesday morning) at 12:01 AM. Haven't decided if I'll pick it up then, or after class on Tuesday, but I will be tearing it up over XBox Live Tuesday night and well into the rest of the week. Life is good.


Oh yeah, and thank God that the presidential campaign is over. While I voted for John Kerry, believing he brings a far greater foreign policy presence to the White House, I must say Bush's tax reforms and Social Security changes sound pretty good. Americans have simply had to endure too much over the past couple of years - sure, the Janet Jackson fiasco wasn't as huge of a deal as everyone seemed to think it was, but it was the icing on the cake after such utter travesties as trying to take "Under God" out of the Pledge of Allegiance.

While the Democrats paid the price for their guilt by association for political misfirings like the aforementioned Pledge debacle, they could very easily be back in control as early as 2008, if they bring out their best folks - Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, with the latter being a particularly intriguing candidate. I believe both are smart enough to bring the Democratic party out of the left-wing nuthouse and back toward the center enough to be serious contenders in the next election cycle. John McCain, who the Republicans may counter with, would also be a great candidate.

Enough about 2008. I'm looking forward to seeing how much progress Bush can make over the next four years, and am just happy there's some resolution to all this political infighting...for now.